mental-health

An Attitude of Gratitude

~ Kim Olgren ~ 3 Comments
"Dancing with the Goddess" Original Artwork by Kim Olgren

When you are grateful fear disappears and abundance appears. – Anthony Robbins

As defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary gratitude is the state of being grateful: THANKFULNESS. Well that cleared things right up didn’t it? Like many seekers, I believe the effects of gratitude are so much more than what this simple definition provides. Gratitude sets in motion wondrous and varied reciprocal actions for the person who sent out that little bit of gratitude to begin with. It’s truly amazing what a little gratitude can do.

God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say ‘thank you? – William A. Ward

We don’t even have to wait until something happens to grateful for it. We can be thankful in advance for whatever it is we are envisioning for the future, in fact gratitude helps manifest the things we are working on bringing to life. Gratitude lightens the heart, helps to keep us grounded, and focuses our attention on the positive rather than allowing us to dwell on the negative. Life has its ups and downs, the trick is to find the things to be grateful for in the downs as well as the ups. If nothing else, we can be grateful for the lesson a down time has shown us.

Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough. – Oprah Winfrey

Gratitude is an essential requirement of healthy spirituality and a healthy mental state. Gratitude is an integral part of the life of every person who has had, is having, or will have a positive effect on humanity. Gratitude is one of the cornerstones of greatness. It doesn’t have to be the kind of change-the-face-of-humanity greatness of Mother Theresa. If you’ve managed to teach your children true, heartfelt gratitude or managed to touch someone’s heart with gratitude, you already possess greatness. You have an attitude of gratitude!

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.” – Melody Beattie

Daily, mindful practice of gratitude changes our perspective on life and everything around us. If you keep a journal try incorporating five things you are grateful for every day. Another way to practice gratitude is to think of five things you’re thankful for before you go to sleep each night. Taking time to meditate on the concept of gratitude and the things you are thankful for is another way to bring more of it into your life. Make a point to say thank you…and mean it. Show genuine appreciation where it is due and show gratitude for the lessons you’ve learned.  It’s quite easy to find a myriad of ways to practice gratitude all through the day and it only makes each day, each life, better for you and those around you. How do you practice your attitude of gratitude?

For each new morning with its light, for rest and shelter of the night, for health and food, for love and friends, for everything Thy goodness sends. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Can’t You Just Sit Still For Five Minutes!

~ Kim Olgren ~ Leave a comment

Did anyone else’s mother ever utter these words, or was it just me? What a concept. Life seems to expect us to be busy, busy, busy all the time, but what about purposefully being still? What? You mean meditation? Who has time for that? Perhaps this is part of what’s wrong with the world today. Many of us are buzzing around at light speed noisy and constantly focusing our attention on things outside of ourselves, our jobs, other people, grocery shopping, how badly the dog needs a bath, the kids are due for vaccinations; you name it, never taking the time to check in with what is going on inside. I know. I used to be one of those people. If more people spent just a little time being introspective, the perspective of the whole world could change. No, I haven’t been into the punch. It’s true.

Being still (meditation) is hard. Being still is not about activity; it’s about noticing, listening, breathing. It’s not about control; it’s about letting it all go. It’s not about thinking; it’s about being. It’s definitely not boring, but you do have to get out of your own way. You literally only have to sit still for five minutes every day to make a profound impact on your life and the lives of those around you. I’m pretty sure most people can make time for five minutes, but five minutes is an awfully tiny amount of time to keep track of, or is it? Heck, back when I was a lot younger and worked at Pizza Hut you could get a personal pan pizza in five minutes. That was when I first learned that five minutes was a lot longer than I thought it was. I could get a lot accomplished in five minutes. I could wipe down the salad bar, check on a couple of tables, and drop off some dishes in the kitchen, all well within five minutes.

So how come it’s so danged hard to sit still for five minutes. Well, what happens when I try to sit still is all these thoughts come rushing at me from all directions. Shoot, I still have a load of laundry in the dryer to fold, did I send off that email to mom, my boss, a coworker, writing ideas, my nose is itchy, where did I leave my water bottle, what am I going to make for dinner, what do I want for lunch…all flying at me at once. Trying to send them away only makes it worse. So I don’t send them away. These thoughts are only rushing at me because I’ve become quiet enough to listen. Each time a thought goes by I acknowledge it and say “okay” and go back to my meditation.

Meditation requires 6 easy things:

  • A quiet and safe place to minimize distraction
  • A willing attitude and spirit
  • Breathing
  • Acknowledgement
  • Letting go
  • A little chunk of time

When I was first learning to meditate and was only doing it for five minutes (and believe me, five minutes is plenty to start off with, work up to where you’d like to be in five minute increments). The first four minutes or so went something like this: Okay, breathe. Intention: feel the love… Momdaughtersonlaundryhusbandshoppingguiltyaggrivateddiabetesyuckyfeelingwarmfeelingohthat’sbetter breathe…what a mess! This is why meditation requires daily practice if you want to get results. I got better at letting go of the thoughts that weren’t my intention focusing on my intended target and my breath in a relaxed way. I was training my mind that it was time to meditate and telling ego that it was time to step aside and that I was in charge, not it. Soon I was meditating for much longer periods and/or more than once per day.

Some of the benefits of meditation for this average human include:

  • Better focus on tasks because my mind is better organized
  • It got easier to identify what I wanted out of a given situation because I’d focused on it through meditation and could identify every detail in an articulate manner
  • It got easier to use my intuition because I am more connected to my higher self and/or higher power (this is not about religion)
  • Clearly defining goals and issues got easier because I’d given them the time and consideration that they deserved instead of pushing them onto the back burner
  • Communicating my intentions, feelings, actions, etc. got easier because I could approach decisions from a place of power and confidence rather than fear, such as a fear of saying the wrong thing or what would happen if I made the wrong decision
  • Helps me stay calm and focused under pressure or in emotional situations

There are lots of different meditation techniques and yes, there’s an app for that. Most people find it easiest just to start with concentrating on their breath, in and out, in and out and going on from there. Go on, try it. As a mother, I’m asking you, “Can you just sit still for five minutes?”

What are your experiences with meditation? Have you tried it? If not what do you think about it?

Quitting is Good!

~ Kim Olgren ~ Leave a comment

No pretty pictures, no filler, just the straight up truth. Quitting is good!

When I was 17 I had a boyfriend that I thought was super cool and…he smoked. All his friends smoked too. Then came the drinking then came the pot. I couldn’t figure out what the big draw was and I really didn’t want to go in the direction we were going in, so I broke off our nearly two-year relationship (two years is a long time in 80s teenager time). Shortly thereafter he fell off a car urban surfing also known as car surfing and entered a coma that he would never wake from and eventually died years later. He was 17 at the time of the accident. I went a little nuts, I wanted to know what was so damn cool that he would have rather died partying than keep his girl and tone it down. So I did my fair share of partying over the next year. This was when I started smoking. I was 18 years old. Traumatized.

Fast forward about 22 years later. Like many smokers, I’ve been thinking of quitting for a long time and had tried and failed at least once. I also remember the day when I’d finally had enough. I vividly remember frantically racing to the ladies room and out for a smoke during a five-minute meeting break and thinking to myself how absurd it was that this little inanimate bunch of leaves wrapped in paper was running my life. Everybody who seriously and successfully quits has some kind of epiphany, followed by a motivational concept that is deep and true for them. For me with smoking, it wasn’t the obvious health issues, the smelly invisible fog that followed me everywhere and permeated every fiber of my car and my home, the cost that was swiftly rising toward outrageous or even the death of a family member or friend. Nope. For me it was the fact that I was sick and tired of letting that little butthead run my life. I don’t take kindly to people, or in this case things, that try to control me. I was tired of planning my whole world around my next cigarette. If you smoke and you don’t think you do this, you’re in serious denial. Epiphany! Duh! I had never looked at cigarettes as something that “controlled” me. This became my motivation. So I set out on a research campaign, determined to make a plan to quit. Here’s what I came up with.

  1. Find out why you want to quit…really and truly. Your reason for quitting has to be strong enough for you that you can hold onto it like the Rock of Gibraltar and it will not fail you. I was sick of cigarettes ruling my life. Another motivation for me was that I’d never have to make cigarettes again as we had started making our own because of the rising prices.
  2.  Figure out what your triggers are. What makes you want to smoke? When are your cravings at their worst? My triggers were waking up, eating, talking on the phone, waiting, work breaks, bars, clubs and casinos, and driving.
  3.  Figure out how you’re going to combat your cravings and triggers. For me the answer was an electronic cigarette. The one I got looked more like a pen than a cigarette, I bought it that way on purpose to clearly mark in my mind with a visual that I was not smoking cigarettes anymore. The e-cig took care of both my cravings for nicotine and my triggers and I stepped down the nicotine in the cartridges until there was none. I also used meditation. Now I use the e-cig on rare occasions where I know I will trigger (like Vegas or a bar). Truth be told, I don’t crave cigarettes when I encounter a trigger, I crave my e-cig. I can live with that. Other people use something to keep their hands busy, some take up chewing gum or toothpicks, some try on a healthy habit like getting more exercise or eating more veggies. Still others invoke prayer and meditation. You have to find the mix that truly works for you.
  4.  Gather your tools and your allies. Your tools are going to be the things you’ve discovered to help you overcome cravings and triggers. Your allies are your trusted friends and coworkers with whom you are going to share your goal of quitting with so that you can be accountable for your actions. Plus, you get your own private cheering section! Woohoo! Sis-boom-bah!
  5. Set a date or Realistic Goal. I set my date for the day my e-cig arrived. Once it did I put down my partial pack of cigarettes and never looked back, but it’s okay to stumble too. If you give in to temptation, figure out why and where your plan was weak and keep trying. One time I was at a bar with some friends and had forgotten my e-cig (obviously where my fine little plan fell apart) I finally caved and bummed a cigarette from one of my friends. Yuck! Nasty! Yep, I smoked the whole thing. I don’t forget my e-cig anymore. Hey, maybe rather than setting a date to quit you sign up for a walk or run for charity that is a few months out. The point is to set a realistic, attainable goal. Which brings me to…
  6. Try, try again and stop making it so big in your head. Eventually, if you really want it, you will succeed. Take those baby steps and work your plan. Some people told me that I made it look so easy even though I smoked over a pack a day for over 20 years. Some said they admired my extreme determination and willpower. To this I say “bull$#!%”! It’s not like I trained for and won my first decathlon or successfully climbed Mt. Everest. All I “did” was let something go. Something that was going to make my life better by not being there. I didn’t really have to “do” anything beyond a little research and self-exploration.

Come to think of it, you can apply these simple steps to a lot of things you might need to let go of or “quit”. Say, drinking, a bad relationship, the past, that weight that has been creeping up on you for a couple of years now, to stop road raging, getting healthy, or that job that makes you want to crash your car on the way to work so you don’t have to go there, to name a few.

These days I find myself surprised at how grateful and free I feel when my hubby has to stop for a cigarette or can’t have one when he needs one, and I realize I have no need for it, nor do I feel it’s draw. Freedom feels good. Give the negative things in your life the boot and see what shines through the opening you’ve created.