decision making

Desire Leads to a Different New Year Perspective

~ Kim Olgren ~ 2 Comments

So here we are, nearly half-way through the first month of the new year. If you’re like me, New Year’s resolutions don’t really work for you. I stopped making them years ago.

But last year I found something different.

Danielle LaPorte put out this book called The Desire Map and that was a game changer. Now before you tune out and go off thinking “Oh, God! Not another self-help guru’s sheep spouting the wisdom of said chosen guru.” Take a moment to think about this.

What if you stopped thinking about your life in terms of goals, and instead, focused on how you want to feel? Seriously. All those things that you want to do or get done, lose weight, find the right someone, write that book, are all intended to make you feel a certain, desired way anyhow. What if you focused on those feelings and the things you could do on a daily basis to support them?

But I digress, this post is not about the book, the system, the day planner, the cards, the book groups, or the facilitators springing up around the world. The D-Movement (I just made that up myself).

This post is about how focusing on how you want to feel; a subtle shift that changes everything. Including what you thought were your goals. It changes the way you think about everything.

So here’s my case in point. I am not one for routine. I find it to be mindnumbingly boring…a creativity and momentum killer…basically a big downer. However, the practical, hardworking Capricorn part of me knows that routines and schedules are necessary to success, which also means I have a very difficult time putting down a task that is unfinished just because the time to work on said task is up and I must move on to the next. I was having trouble coming up with a way to be more comfortable with routine and schedules. Does this sound immature? It doesn’t matter, it’s the way I feel and I am plenty mature enough to acknowledge my faults and deal with them or work around them <sticks tongue out and makes face>. Also, I have a physiological challenge that cause me to become foggy or unable to focus for anywhere from an hour to days.

I went to the go-to Desire Map group on facebook.com to help me brainstorm an answer because I’ll take a little help from wherever I can get it, I’m exploitative like that. I got a lot of really great answers from going with the flow to wonderful mantras, to-do lists, thinking of it as taking control, and doing what feels good. The coolest thing was that everyone shared what they felt in their heart might help me. No one, single person posted anything like “just suck it up and do it, you pansy!.” That in itself was immensely impressive to me because, you know, there’s always one in every group.

So, my fair readers and DMapers, without further ado, here’s what I came up with. It resonated with my entire being and at the same time struck me as a gigantic, DOH!

I found the secret to submitting to a routine and scheduled tasks was…

drum roll please…<apple drops on noggin>

Nurturing.

What?! I know, right!!!

Here’s the thing, all those “routine” tasks that I think are so boring and ask myself “why do I have to do this?” about, are only nurturing me. Dishes, laundry, housework, only gives back to me (mainly because we are empty-nesters now and there are no kids here anymore to suck up the benefits of my labors. Love ya kids! Mwah!). Scheduling writing time, exercise time, and meditation time only gives back to me, sometimes many-fold more that I put into it. So before you think that I might need a maid and an assistant – I know these things are beneficial and nurturing to me because of the way I f-e-e-l after I have done them. Clean, proud, accomplished, happy, content, and generally good.

So, when I perform my routine, when I schedule these things that are important to me, but may or may not want to do at that time, I am taking care of me, nurturing myself, taking time to love me. In turn, nurturing myself allows me to be more nurturing to others and that’s what it’s really all about.

If you want to know more about Desire Mapping and the great things you can do with it, Check out Danielle LaPorte’s website at DanielleLaporte.com if you find you’re fired up about it, join our group on facebook.com. Happy New Year! May your best and greatest destiny be yours!

As always…feel free to discuss below.

Can’t You Just Sit Still For Five Minutes!

~ Kim Olgren ~ Leave a comment

Did anyone else’s mother ever utter these words, or was it just me? What a concept. Life seems to expect us to be busy, busy, busy all the time, but what about purposefully being still? What? You mean meditation? Who has time for that? Perhaps this is part of what’s wrong with the world today. Many of us are buzzing around at light speed noisy and constantly focusing our attention on things outside of ourselves, our jobs, other people, grocery shopping, how badly the dog needs a bath, the kids are due for vaccinations; you name it, never taking the time to check in with what is going on inside. I know. I used to be one of those people. If more people spent just a little time being introspective, the perspective of the whole world could change. No, I haven’t been into the punch. It’s true.

Being still (meditation) is hard. Being still is not about activity; it’s about noticing, listening, breathing. It’s not about control; it’s about letting it all go. It’s not about thinking; it’s about being. It’s definitely not boring, but you do have to get out of your own way. You literally only have to sit still for five minutes every day to make a profound impact on your life and the lives of those around you. I’m pretty sure most people can make time for five minutes, but five minutes is an awfully tiny amount of time to keep track of, or is it? Heck, back when I was a lot younger and worked at Pizza Hut you could get a personal pan pizza in five minutes. That was when I first learned that five minutes was a lot longer than I thought it was. I could get a lot accomplished in five minutes. I could wipe down the salad bar, check on a couple of tables, and drop off some dishes in the kitchen, all well within five minutes.

So how come it’s so danged hard to sit still for five minutes. Well, what happens when I try to sit still is all these thoughts come rushing at me from all directions. Shoot, I still have a load of laundry in the dryer to fold, did I send off that email to mom, my boss, a coworker, writing ideas, my nose is itchy, where did I leave my water bottle, what am I going to make for dinner, what do I want for lunch…all flying at me at once. Trying to send them away only makes it worse. So I don’t send them away. These thoughts are only rushing at me because I’ve become quiet enough to listen. Each time a thought goes by I acknowledge it and say “okay” and go back to my meditation.

Meditation requires 6 easy things:

  • A quiet and safe place to minimize distraction
  • A willing attitude and spirit
  • Breathing
  • Acknowledgement
  • Letting go
  • A little chunk of time

When I was first learning to meditate and was only doing it for five minutes (and believe me, five minutes is plenty to start off with, work up to where you’d like to be in five minute increments). The first four minutes or so went something like this: Okay, breathe. Intention: feel the love… Momdaughtersonlaundryhusbandshoppingguiltyaggrivateddiabetesyuckyfeelingwarmfeelingohthat’sbetter breathe…what a mess! This is why meditation requires daily practice if you want to get results. I got better at letting go of the thoughts that weren’t my intention focusing on my intended target and my breath in a relaxed way. I was training my mind that it was time to meditate and telling ego that it was time to step aside and that I was in charge, not it. Soon I was meditating for much longer periods and/or more than once per day.

Some of the benefits of meditation for this average human include:

  • Better focus on tasks because my mind is better organized
  • It got easier to identify what I wanted out of a given situation because I’d focused on it through meditation and could identify every detail in an articulate manner
  • It got easier to use my intuition because I am more connected to my higher self and/or higher power (this is not about religion)
  • Clearly defining goals and issues got easier because I’d given them the time and consideration that they deserved instead of pushing them onto the back burner
  • Communicating my intentions, feelings, actions, etc. got easier because I could approach decisions from a place of power and confidence rather than fear, such as a fear of saying the wrong thing or what would happen if I made the wrong decision
  • Helps me stay calm and focused under pressure or in emotional situations

There are lots of different meditation techniques and yes, there’s an app for that. Most people find it easiest just to start with concentrating on their breath, in and out, in and out and going on from there. Go on, try it. As a mother, I’m asking you, “Can you just sit still for five minutes?”

What are your experiences with meditation? Have you tried it? If not what do you think about it?