writing

Don’t Tread on Me

~ Kim Olgren ~ Leave a comment

Learning how not to be taken advantage of when you’re an open, empathic heart is difficult. It’s taken a long time for me to learn that saying “no” is, in many cases, better than saying “yes”. Here’s the thing about being there for everyone all the time…it’s exhausting and it doesn’t really help anyone, including you, especially if you are being taken advantage of or used you as a crutch. Saying “yes” when everything in you is screaming “no” is wrong. Yes, it is. Think about that obligatory function that you promised you’d go to with your coworker or friend even though you hate “functions” and you’re especially not into the topic. What happened when she asked you to go? Did your chest tighten up? Was there a voice in your head screaming “NO” while another was trying to find justification for saying no, while another was trying to convince you that it wouldn’t be that bad and you’d get to spend time with your friend? Did your throat start to feel like it wanted to close up? Did you already feel guilty for even thinking of saying no?

If none of this has ever happened to you, good for you! You apparently know how to say “no” in no uncertain terms. You probably won’t be interested in anything further said here. Have a nice day.

As for the rest of us who have been faced with the hard “no’s” this is for you. IT’S OKAY TO SAY NO…………TO ANYTHING! There. I said it. It’s out in the open and I feel fabulous! You do not have to be a doormat. You do not have to hold anyone else up. You can focus on the stuff you need/want.

Where is all this coming from, you may ask? Well, as I began taking writing seriously and started writing for a purpose (and hopefully make a buck or two) I learned something pretty quickly. I had to take myself seriously as a writer if I expected others to take me seriously. That meant that my writing time had to become sacred no matter whether anyone else understood it or not. It’s my job to make the people in my life understand that I am working when I am writing just as much as if I were going to the office. That means that if I’m at work I am not available to go to functions that aren’t relevant to my job or no longer fit into my plans, do favors that I wouldn’t ordinarily do while I’m on the clock and so on. When I am writing, I am on the clock and people will only take that as seriously as I do.

I’m not saying that you get to arbitrarily say “no”. All I’m saying is seriously think about the things that you’re saying “yes” to that really, really make you want to pull your hair out and examine why “no” might be a better answer. Also, think about why you want to say “no” as this could be very enlightening. If you’re saying “no” out of fear, then maybe you should think about saying “yes” (unless your fear is that saying yes will immediately lead to another situation where you are once again forced to say “yes” or “no”). Empower yourself to be you!

Just something to think about…

Epic Fail!

~ Kim Olgren ~ 2 Comments

Epic fail! It is with sincere humility I write today. I have found out that whirlwind vacations, keeping up with a blog, keeping up with book writing and keeping up with a job search proved too much for me. So the answer to my question in an earlier blog (before I went on vacation) would be…yes and no to writing while you’re on vacation. Although I totally overwhelmed myself, I learned so much! I ended up blowing off any writing on the last two days of vacation and just kicked back instead, which turned out to be a wise move.

I spent most of my vacation stressing about splitting my time between my family and my writing, which was exactly the situation I didn’t want to find myself in. I didn’t want the guys to think I was disengaged and not interested, but at the same time I really wanted to keep up with my writing. This resulted in me going back to our rooms at night while they stayed out at the casino. It wasn’t a huge leap for me to do this since I’m not much of a gambler anyway. Walking around the casinos and up and down the strip is fun, but I’m just not into the gambling thing. What little money I gambled, I lost. Since I was back in our rooms earlier and therefore in bed earlier, I was up earlier and used that time to my advantage to write as well. The problem was that I didn’t have much down time. I was either on the go with the guys or writing although we did have a couple of days where we spent two or three hours by the pool and then I was reading.

I wrote in the car during our driving days when I wasn’t taking pictures out of the car windows. This was somewhat productive, but there comes a time, whether writing at the condo or in the car after a full day, that one becomes just too tired and brain dead. This was what frustrated me the most. I wanted to do more, but my brain had had enough. When it comes to my blog, I don’t want to put out anything other than my best work. I’d rather not post than post something sub-par.

This week I have been recuperating from vacation (if you caught any of my road trip blogs you would know we were extremely busy), redoubling my job hunt efforts and catching up on book writing. I’ve missed my blog very much and I’m happy to get back to it. I’ve learned that if I want to write on vacation I need to pick only one or two writing projects to keep up with and that includes my personal, daily journal. I’ve learned that if I want to write on vacation I have to do a better job of balancing activities, writing, and down time. The brain and the soul need down time, time doing nothing to recharge creativity and even logical thinking. I’ve learned that it’s okay to put the writing aside and be present for the vacation rather than worrying about getting it all done. That’s what work is, not vacation. I learned that I should stop along the road any time the mood strikes me and take more pictures (although I took some 200 anyway, many with windshield bug splatters in them). I learned that I don’t have to spend every minute with everyone else. I found that I just can’t bring myself to drag my laptop to the pool. It just seems to be in violation of some law of relaxation or something…kind of like using your smartphone at the table. It’s just not right. Maybe I’ll change my mind at a later time, or maybe I would feel differently if I had regular access to a pool and it wasn’t something of a treat for me.

Recharged and refreshed. I am now ready to continue. I look forward to sharing more about my six-state adventures and other cool stuff. Wow, when you put it that way, six states in nine days; that is really busy! No wonder I was having trouble keeping up! Maybe this wasn’t such and epic fail after all.

How much down time, if any, do you build into your vacations? Do you like to cram a lot of activities in or do you like to hang out by the pool all day?

Road Trip! Is There Such Thing as a Vacation From Writing?

~ Kim Olgren ~ 2 Comments

From Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way to Stephen King, author of On Writing and many a creepy tome, to Alan Watt, author of The 90-day Novel and founder of the L.A. Writers Lab, the general consensus of most writers seems to be “write everyday”. Being a brand new blogger working on two novels while job hunting I became a bit concerned about how this was going to work with being on vacation for about a week and a half. I didn’t want to lose momentum on my novels and I sure as heck didn’t want to disappoint the modest following I had worked hard to build on my barely-off-the-ground blog. In short, I don’t think that writers get, nor do they really want, vacations from writing. Eek! I just figured out something new about myself…I’m one of those writers! <Panic! Danger Will Robinson. Danger! Beep! Beep! Woop! Woop!> Wait.

This is where the Online Learning System (OLS) I chose for obtaining my college degree came in ever so handy. With the exception of a vacation in Mexico, I attended school on holidays, weekends, and while on vacation. It wasn’t that hard because my virtual classroom allowed me to attend school almost any time and anywhere I wanted to. Of course there are caveats, price being one, of course. However, successfully completing a degree program online also requires a tremendous amount of dedication and discipline. Coordinating far-flung teams of people to work on papers and projects through online chat threads was both quite challenging and quite rewarding (you try coordinating the completion of a 20 slide PowerPoint presentation in four days on the pros and cons of a free economy for a team consisting of people in three different U.S. time zones, a soldier on a ship in the gulf and someone who barely types in English in Dubai, whew!) . The pressure was constant with compressed courses lasting only five weeks and an individual assignment as well as a team assignment due every week. Papers averaged 1500 words and had to original and APA formatted, with proper references and citations. Who said all online schools are diploma mills???

As I thought about the similarities between OLS and writing in general I found the task of keeping up with my writing much less daunting. Hey, looky there, the $300,000 education is finally paying off (yes, that was sarcasm). True, there are certain environments that are more conducive to creativity, but the same can be said for studying. Where I’ve found I could concentrate on studying with grandkids, kids, dogs, cats, and barely controlled chaos going on, when writing I needed a lot more quite. Many of the tactics I used for school on the road I’ll be using for writing. I have some tools that will be helpful and there are others, such as an I-pad, with its 8hr battery life that I can only wish I had.

Our road trip begins in Colorado Springs heading to the Grand Canyon. The next leg of our journey takes us to Las Vegas, NV. A two-day side trip during our week in Vegas will take us to Los Angeles, CA. Then it’s back to Vegas for a couple of days before we drive home.

Here’s my plan:

I will use certain downtime to my advantage much like Brian Johnson’s mother told him to do in The Breakfast Club. Only when I’m relaxing by the pool or in the ocean or at the black jack table; that is just what I’m going to do. Relax. Hours of riding in the car and getting up a little early, and hanging out in restaurants will give me plenty of time to write on my laptop, in a notebook, or jot down flashes of inspiration in my mini notebook I keep in my bag.

I will not allow myself to stress about writing, word counts, or anything else of the sort and hence ruin my vacation.

I will allow my vacation to keep my creative fires kindled by enjoying all the things I will get to do and see, then writing about them.

Three simple rules, that’s it. I’m not looking for balance here. As Danielle Laporte, one kick-a$$, gorgeous, accomplished woman with her head screwed on straight, tons of charisma, and a fabulous spiritual philosopher says, Life balance is a myth, and the pursuit of it is causing us more stress than the craving for balance itself. I almost got caught up in the life balance trap planning for this vacation and my writing. Instead I’ve chosen to go with the flow, write when I can (because I love it and…well…it’s fun!), and have as much other fun as I possibly can (because…well…it’s fun!). I am a reserved person most of the time which is often mistaken as disinterest by the people around me, but inside my head is a myriad of thoughts and feelings spinning all manner of stories from what’s going on around me. To me, this is great fun, whether I’m in a casino, on the road, in an airport, on a plane, at home, by the pool, working, etc. the stage in my head is always active.

I’m looking forward to vacation and sharing some of what I see, think, and eat along the way. I’m also looking forward to writing about it.

How do you stay on track with writing while away from home? Is it hard or easy to stay focused? Do you tend to procrastinate? Suggestions welcome!

What’s your favorite place to eat in L.A.? In Vegas? I’d love to hear from you!